Aria informed me that all the local merc groups, the Blue Suns, Blood Pack, and Eclipse were all teaming up to take down Archangel because he has been a pain in the ass for them for some time now. Haha, he sounds awesome. Our plan of action then is to pretend to help the mercs out in order to get to Archangel. Okay, and then what? We don’t know. Sounds perfect, I love it.
I head down a hallway to talk to, go figure, a batarian. He tells me that the stripper sign ups are elsewhere. I am somewhat perplexed by this comment, as there are definitely lady mercs in the universe, and it’s not like I wore my “sexy” armor outfit tonight or anything. I do the most sensible thing I can think of and pull my gun on him. He decides that since I brought my own gun, I can go help them shoot at people. He gives me instructions on where to go and as I am leaving some dumbass is also signing up to go shoot Archangel. Oh he JUST BOUGHT the gun, that sounds even better. I’m slightly concerned that this idiot will shoot ME in the back of the head, so I tell him to fuck off and not get himself killed on this mission. And by not get himself killed, I mean not get ME killed. Because he is an idiot.
Miranda, Jacob, and I head to the shuttle that is taking us to the rest of the mercs preparing to fight Archangel. They explain that they have some heavy mechs and a gunship they are repairing for the fight. When no one is looking I hack the mech. Haha, idiots. Also I’m hacking your datapaaaads. Taking your credittttssss. Muahahaha.
I wander a bit talking to different mercs, none of whom are very polite. I finally find the guy working on the gunship and in the middle of our conversation, shit starts going down. But I tase him in the back and we take off towards Archangel.
We’re the last ones to the party and we take out the few freelance merc idiots in front of us. We run up a flight of stairs and there’s a dude in blue armor with a sniper rifle. He walks towards me and takes off his helmet and
OH MY GOD GARRUS! IT’S GARRUS! AAAAH GARRUS GARRUS GARRUS!
I pee a little in my space suit out of excitement and start jumping up and down all over the room. IT’S GARRUS YOU GUYS LOOK IT’S GARRUS!
He seems slightly less excited to see me, probably because there are still people intending to kill him right now and oh yeah, we came up here without any kind of exit strategy of our own. Haha, whoops. I was just gonna wing it! It’ll work, I’m sure!
Thankfully with four of us there now, Garrus says that he has a plan. And that plan is to shoot people until we can leave. I love it. It is exactly the plan I would’ve come up with, if I hadn’t been too busy freaking out that you were Garrus and that I was hanging out with you again.
We shoot mercs for a while, until Garrus discovers that some are trying to get in through the basement level downstairs. Miranda and I head down there and I leave Jacob to look after Garrus (more like, leaving Garrus to look after Jacob). Miranda and I head down and start closing shutters, except that damn things take 10 seconds to close. Goddammit, who designed these doors. They’re like stupid ass garage doors that start to close and then when someone goes under it, they start to go back up and you gotta hit the button again and it’ll go back down until the dog runs under AGAIN and it’s going up and you gotta hit the button and arrrrgh goddamn Vorcha!
Finally we get all three closed and go back upstairs to Garrus. It is much nicer to be hanging out with him. We kill some more mercs and then OH FUCK THAT GUN SHIP. OH NO IT SHOT GARRUS!
GARRRRUUUUSSSSS!
I hit the ship with everything we’ve got. I pop it with a Reave, Miranda gets a Warp, and Jacob…I don’t know, he’s Jacob. We took it down goddamn fast and I rushed to Garrus. Oh god he’s bleeding. Oh god it’s blue.
Oh god I don’t know what’s going on.
Oh god get him on our spaceship.