I have totally gotta check out all the parts of this new spaceship. Oh but first Miranda and Jacob want to taaaaalk to me. Big shock there. They go over some stuff the Illusive Man said last time I talked to him. Go get Mordin Solus, build a team, fly your spaceship, yeah yeah yeah, whatever. I asked him where my old team was and he told me they were allllll too busy to hang out with me now. Miranda was being all bossy to me then. I mumbled at her under my breath as she talked.
“reckinfreckingstupidcerberusgonnarenegadeinterruptyourightinyourboobanditwillhurt”
WHAT THE HECK IS THAT A VI ON MY SHIP
Finally they stop talking.
Actually I’m too distracted to think about it much right now, because NEW SPACESHIP. Look! There’s a new galaxy map, and new chairs that people will sit in while I walk around and look over their shoulders, and a new airlock and a room I can’t go into and another room with Jacob and guns and an elevator? Oh man okay I gotta get on this thing. A CAPTAIN’S CABIN? GO! GO!
This is so sweet! I got a bathroom and a fishtank and a bed and a couch and a desk for all my important work and…oh a picture of Liara. I uh…huh.
Okay let’s go downstairs. Hey! Some more bathrooms! And a chef guy! He seems cool! And more rooms I can’t go in. And Miranda! Hey you got a pretty nice room too. How come we got beds and Jacob don’t? She doesn’t have an answer. I head to the med bay instead and what do you know, it’s Dr. Goddamn Chakwas!
I head down to the last level and chat with some nice engineer folks and then back up to the Command Center. Who is this redheaded chick? I talk to her and she introduces herself as Kelly. She is like my secretary or something. I guess I get to chase around the galaxy map, pinching her ass later. She tells me I have new messages at my terminal. My terminal? Oh look! A terminal!
HOLY WHAT I HAVE LIKE 20 MESSAGES!
Wait, one of these is from Councilor Anderson? And another is from Admiral Hackett? How do these people know I’m alive already? I have gone on ONE mission and the only other people who made it out of that were Tali and Veetor. Did Tali run off and just start calling everyone? How did they find out how to email me so fast?
KELLLLLYYYYYYYY
EXPLAIN THIS.