We All Get Shepard Weekly

Garrus and Thane catch up somehow and we chase after Vasir. She jumps into a space car and takes off. Liara has already secured us our own space car. I am hella snippy at her about not asking me if I’m okay. C’mon Liara. Remember the old days when we would stop and ask the other person how they are all the time. You’ve changed! You’ve changed! You forgot all about the Normandy etiquette that we all agreed on!

I can only bring one person with in this space car, besides her. I turn to Garrus and Thane.

*ahem*

Gentlemen. I do not know why four people cannot fit in this space car. It seems roomy enough to me. There are even four seats. But I must choose only one of you so I choose Garrus. Sorry Thane. You really didn’t have a chance here. Plus Liara makes your biotics rather redundant. I guess find some way back to the ship.

Garrus, Liara, and I pile into this car and take off after Vasir. I’m driving even though I have no idea why. I’ve never driven a space car before, and I’m probably still at least a little bit drunk. Surely someone sober and with more experience should be doing this.  Thankfully I figure it out pretty fast and manage to keep up with Vasir through traffic that I don’t know the laws of and proximity mines that I almost ran directly into on more than one occasion. I also manage to not reach across the car and choke Liara who is doing some terrible sideseat driving. I don’t need a navigator woman, just find something with a good beat on the radio. Find some good chase scene music. That’s YOUR job here.

Vasir tries to ram our space car with hers, and then crashes on the rooftop of some hotel. We calmly land and pile out to find a bunch of guys waiting to shoot us.  We quickly dispose of them and follow a blood trail after Vasir through this weird hotel where I take a moment to break into someone’s safe and steal all their money. It’s for the galaxy! We need those creds!

We eventually chase Vasir down, which wasn’t hard because she’s bleeding a lot and kinda hobbling too. We catch up and she grabs a hostage, and tells me to drop my clips. Fuck that I say, and distract her with my fancy city talk while Liara throws a table at her. I guess taking a hostage gave Vasir some sort of crazy rush of adrenaline because now she is darting around like a motherfucker and making it a pain in the ass to shoot her. I find cover and tell Garrus to just keep throwing concussive shots at her. Bitch be crazy, Gar-Bear. I’ve had enough asari to last a lifetime.

Between waves of her bullshit and waves of guys she’s sending out to fight me from…who knows where, we eventually beat her down and get back the disc she took from the Salarian. And she was all “We’re not so different Shepard.” Well not exactly. But I know a “not so different” speech when I hear one. And that was definitely one.

Liara takes the disc and looks at it or something. She’s very determined to go get the Shadow Broker RIGHT THIS VERY SECOND but I’m a little like, whoa calm down woman. We need to find some food and rehydrate at least first. Take a few deep breaths or something.

And then she snaps at me.

…about Garrus.

and his uh, recreational calibrations.

*sigh* yeah…he’s so dreamy.

Oh you’re mad about that. Ummmm sorry? Where did he go? Are we having this conversation right in front of him? No he seems to have run off somewhere, like he does sometimes.

Thankfully she doesn’t want to talk about this for very long, which is good because I don’t think she would actually like where that conversation was headed.

“You never called!”

“I was dead!”

“I know!”

“Then why are you so mad?”

“You’re sleeping with Garrus!”

“WHY DOES EVERYONE KNOW ALL ABOUT MY LOVE LIFE?”

 

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