It’s been fun times on the ship lately just Garrus cuddles and drinking and cuddles and drinking over and over and over. I’m sure Miranda thinks I should be doing something more useful, but I feel content spending my time this way.
Then I remember a message from Admiral Hackett I got a while back. Fuckkkk…didn’t he want me to go save someone? I should probably go do that, right? I then remember that he needed me to KILL BATARIANS and I am suddenly super excited! He also said I couldn’t bring any friends with me though. Humph. I tell Garrus to maybe see if we can get the sheets washed in here while I’m gone, and not to worry, I’m way awesome at killing those four-eyed fucks.
This planet is so far away on my galaxy map that I don’t even see it at first. Holy what, it’s way down there? I set a course, and then land stealthily on the planet with my NOT VERY QUIET shuttle. I find a door to go in and a crazed Varren charges at me. Then I find a hole with a button. I push the button. Nothing happens. I push it again. Nothing. Well. I turn around and find a hallway and stairs and eventually make my way down to another button which I also push, and hear the sound of a bridge extending above me. Awesome!
Up there I work my way through an elaborate system of fire and gas and varren, until making my way to some other buildings. I see a couple batarians, standing around and presumably looking right at me. Uuuuuuh. They don’t seem to be reacting though so I duck into another room where a crate of minerals has now got my attention instead. I don’t know what I plan to use these minerals for, but AT LEAST I HAVE THEM.
I wander in this prison some more with no real sense of where I’m going. I end up at a crane by a truck with a bunch of boxes. I push a button and the crane moves, push another button it moves again, push another button it picked something up. I keep pushing these three buttons trying to figure out what I’m supposed to do with this thing and where I’m supposed to go from here, when I realize that I can just jump down these boxes to get to another room. Oh. Uuuuuh. Huh.
I poke around a bit more until finally hearing some Batarians saying dumb stuff and following their voices to Dr. Kenson’s cell. She’s being guarded by a Batarian that I, I dunno, punched or something. We end up in a room where she says she’s gonna hack some terminal while I have to keep the swarming batarians off her back.
Everyone else is apparently way worse at hacking things than I am because man, I get all up in those terminals’ business in a matter of seconds and she’s like, “JUST A LITTLE BIT LONGER” while I keep getting flippin’ shot at. Think we could move it along a bit lady? She also yells like I know where anything is at in this room. Oh they’re coming up in the elevator? No I don’t know where that is. And then I just wait for guys to appear and then I shoot them. Like some Batarian Whack-a-Mole.
Finally we jump onto a platform and ride it down to a shuttle we can fly off the planet. Unfortunately there are batarians all over the place now and the shuttle bay doors are locked. Kenson says she’ll help shoot dudes, but I gotta figure out how to get the doors open. I say that I will just do it “the usual way.”
…I’m gonna push a button? I’m pretty sure the usual way I open doors is with a button of some kind. Fuck there’s no button down here, what am I doing? I see some explosives near the door finally and shoot them. That should do it? I think? I jump in the shuttle and the doors open just fine as Kenson and I fly away, burning Batarians with the fire from our awesome jets as we do. Wooooo!
On this shuttle ride, she tells me that they’ve found a reaper artifact and have been studying it. Oh awesome, I bet that’s been going super well. Every occurrence of people studying a reaper artifact has always gone SO AMAZING. She explains that the reapers are on their way, and closing in on this system, which has a mass relay they will use to reach all the other systems. Their plan is to destroy the mass relay.
I uh, whoa. I ask if they even can destroy it and she says the reason people think they are indestructible is probably just that no one has tried. I guess, yeah, I don’t know why we WOULD try to destroy one before this. It seems like an entirely impractical and overly complicated operation to do unless it was for a good reason.
Eventually we land wherever and I take a look at some big countdown thing they have rigged up. It is at 2 days. Uh, what is…what’s this.
Oh that’s how long until the Reapers are here.
…wait 2 DAYS?
Oh my god I got that message from Hackett like MONTHS ago. I GOT HERE JUST IN TIME. BUT I FEEL KIND OF BAD NOW. My lord, 2 goddamn days, and to think when I looked at my terminal, I had been thinking of putting it off MORE? Fffffffff.
Kenson says I can ponder that clock a bit and meet her inside.