The final station on our tour of Project Shitstorm is Atlas station. We drive over there with the Hammerhead, but not before I run over a few more innocent mammals.
We arrive and head inside where Archer tells us the VI is trying to upload itself to something from there so I need to stop that. All the doors in this building are doing annoying stuff like it’ll be open so I go to walk through it and then it locks, and the door that had been locked opens instead. STUPID VI JUST OPEN THE DOOR YOU WANT ME TO GO INTO IN THE FIRST PLACE. I hit some buttons, pick up some stuff, shoot some stuff and finally make it to a room with an elevator.
I hit the elevator button a few times but it’s not coming to the floor. I look around for more buttons to push, but also think to myself, is taking the elevator the best idea? I mean, this VI is taking over everything and trying to kill me or something, should I really get into an obvioulsy malfunctioning elevator?
I push a different button. Elevator moves. Push another button it moves again, push some more buttons, I basically pushed buttons until it arrived. Who has time for puzzles, just push buttons.
The elevator opens up and out pop a Geth Prime and some other Geth. I’m like, oh excuse me, is this your floor? No, you get off and then we’ll get on, oh shit you wanna fight. I hack the little ones and the big one quickly follows suit thanks once again to Garrus and his overload.
We get in the elevator, which I am still nervous about and OH GOD IT STARTS GOING CRAZY. Goddammit! I knew we should’ve found a fire exit with some goddamn stairs or something. I DON’T CARE IF IT’S LIKE SEVEN FLOORS. I jog everywhere! Now I’m gonna die in this goddamn elevator!
Oh nevermind it’s calming down.
DING!
We’re here!
We exit the Elevator of Terrible Ideas and continue through the building and more silly door hijinks. Why VI? Why? JUST TO BE CRAZY? JUST TO BE WEIRD? WHATEVER! STOP IT!
Finally I get into a door and there’s a button there. I hover over it for a moment, about to activate it. I turn to Garrus and Thane and say “Don’t be surprised if this summons a reaper.”
I…no, I would be pretty surprised by that. You guys have my permission to be surprised if that happens. I don’t even know why I would SAY that, it’s like ASKING for it to happen. What you definitely shouldn’t be surprised by, is if I push this button and the building starts exploding and we have to run out of here really fast. That is what I am expecting! That is my favorite thing to do! I do NOT think a reaper is gonna show up.
I push the button and it shocks me or something and I start staggering around like a crazy person. Garrus and Thane just stare at me.
“I know her eyes are glowy too but…did that button make her drunk? She’s acting like she’s DRUNK. She’s staggering out of the roooom-ohshit the door locked behind her fuck fuck fuck fuck.”
As Garrus and Thane panic in the other room, I am seeing everything in crazy orange glowy shit. I think I might actually be drunk…hmm. OH SHIT A GETH
I shoot it. And continue wandering around while the VI screeches at me more. It sounds like it is definitely saying “MAKE IT STOP” and such now. I sigh. God, I’m gonna find that guy’s brother in some horrible contraption, aren’t I? Goddammit. Also there’s lots of little scenes to watch, of the brother calculating square roots nonstop. Uuuuugh, that would get so annoying, uuuuugh this is going to be awful at the end I just know it.
I make it to another room and there’s another elevator there. H..hurray? It has more geth which I kill, and then get on it and push the button, fingers crossed that this goes better than last time. AND IT DOES! A SAFE TRIP TO THE OTHER FLOOR!
There I find a large glowy ball and large glowy balls off of it that I need to shoot and more geth. After some fighting, all the glowy shit goes away and sure enough, there is that guy’s brother all strung up with tubes going down his throat, and a harness all stapled to his neck and just to be mean, stuff holding his eyes open.
The other brother comes running and tries to convince me that this is totally cool, despite the fact that all these people are dead now, and your brother is miserable, and went crazy and what have you. No it’s totally cool. Project Shitstorm is a huge success.
I tell him I’m taking his brother, and I pistol whip him in the face for good measure.
NOW, IF YOU WILL EXCUSE ME.
I think Garrus and Thane are still in that room.